Reading Journal: UnChristian

I’m finding much to provoke reflection in UnChristian, which I was prompted to read after registering the communication breakdown between generations in the debate over A Year of Biblical Womanhood. My plan is to read it, then follow up with the sequel, The Next Christians. I’m going to record a few passages here that I don’t want to forget.

The first seems very important to me as a parent:

Based on extensive research on this topic, our data points out clearly that the faith trajectory of the vast majority of Americans is mapped out before they become adults, often before they reach adolescence. In fact, for every hundred people who are not born again by the time they reach age eighteen, only six of those individuals will commit their lives to Christ for the first time as an adult…

Think of the implications of this. First, it underscores that Christians should prioritize the faith development of children, a unique time in human development when many of us “pick” a faith. Second, it implies that we must work hard to strengthen the often-tenuous faith of teenagers, because this is when their faith is gelling… Finally, it reminds us why respect for other people’s faith is so crucial. We are not likely to change another adult’s spiritual trajectory by a comment here or a small dose of Jesus there…

We consistently find that the vast majority of teenagers nationwide will spend a significant amount of their teen years participating in a Christian congregation. Most teenagers in America enter adulthood considering themselves to be Christians and saying they have made a personal commitment to Christ. But within a decade, most of these young people will have left the church and will have placed emotional connection to Christianity on the shelf. For most of them, their faith was merely skin deep.

Kinnaman points out that the vast majority of people outside the Christian faith “are actually de-churched individuals.”

Whose job is it to disciple our children? I think it’s primarily up to parents, with the church in a supportive, partnering role. This doesn’t mean cramming it down kids’ throats, or enforcing a legalistic lifestyle code, or providing a simplistic view of the Bible as a mere reference manual. I think it means cultivating good relationships with our children, introducing them to Jesus, and helping them to develop a love for God’s word and an ability to read and reread it despite the difficulties. And however we choose to educate them — at home, or in public or private school — we don’t simply hand them over to others, but continue to take an active role in their spiritual development and processing of experience.

I find the discussion of teen years to be very sobering (though with my oldest being only 11, we’re not really there yet). I home school, and if this is still the case when my kids are in high school (despite regularly questioning whether we should continue, I’m not sensing any definitive prompting to change course yet) I wonder how to provide them with experiences that enable them to see the collision, and find the meshing, between their faith and the kinds of complex social pressures and spiritual challenges that surround us in our culture. I’m sensitive to the myth that all home schoolers are simply over-sheltering their kids from reality. On the one hand, one can never escape our sinful nature. Jesus taught that the heart is where sin or purity originate, and there is no way anyone can be sheltered from that. But on the other hand, there needs to be a coming into one’s own among others, a phase of increasing independence in making decisions and finding limits, and I’m not sure how we’re going to create those opportunities. Part-time jobs are one way. I’m not sure yet what other options we’ll have.

I also feel apprehensive about youth ministry in general. I think that in lots of churches the emphasis is on supplying lots of fun togetherness for teens. In some ways this is good, particularly for those who, like my husband (who has pretty much convinced me), believe dating is a pointless proposition in high school. But I’m not sure how much real, in-depth discipleship happens. Even when I was in youth group, the assumption was that large-group activities with pizza and late-night craziness were what teens want and need. But probably one of the most lonely moments in my whole high school career was being at one of those all-nighters with Youth for Christ. I was struggling with an eating disorder and full of questions about myself and God, and it hit me with the force of a freight train how irrelevant the pizza and ice-breakers were to me. (Actually, what I thought was that I was irrelevant.)

The youth group at my church transitioned when I was in high school into a regional Youth for Christ ministry. It meant the leadership changed from our church’s assistant pastor/youth pastor leading a group of church kids, to a regional “club” that met once every week or two. It was a poor replacement that lacked the relational connection of our original group, and it always felt like a generic program to me. I’m really thankful that my original youth pastor was a reader and kept up his interest in me, affirming my thoughtful side by loaning or giving me books and in that way relating on a different level than was possible in the YFC club. But if not for him, there would have been nothing in the general vision and plan of youth ministry to nurture those with a contemplative nature, or to address the deeper questions teens had about their faith. I’m sure the questions and struggles teens have now are more intense and they must be worked through in relationship with leaders willing to truly mentor young people.

Last but not least, here are two more thoughts from UnChristian on that idea of relationship (vs. a “get saved” mentality), and its role in Christian credibility:

Christians know that salvation is important. But the truth is, we have put the cart before the horse. We have communicated that we want people to believe something that is critical to their lives before they know us, have experienced us, or have received anything from us… and before we know them. (Andy Stanley, North Point Ministries, Atlanta, GA)

Don’t get me wrong, I believe it is important that people make decisions to follow Jesus — I just believe it needs to happen in a context of love and not be reduced to feed the consumer’s mindset of finding spiritual comfort. The Gospels portray a grand, multifaceted picture of Jesus. I think we should really interact with this portrait in sharing Christ with others. Read through the Gospels with them and let them encounter the person rather than the formula. I just think that asking someone to commit to a major way of life like following Christ deserves much more respect than simple spiritual formulas. (Rick McKinley, Imago Dei, Portland)

I’m only about halfway through the book, but it’s certainly challenging me. Maybe I’ll have more to record as I go along.