Hiding from Love

I’ve been taking my time with Hiding from Love. Written by one of the authors of Boundaries, it explores the intricacies of human personality from a biblical perspective, focusing on the ways we can respond to injury that build defenses against the very things that bring healing.

This is packed with information, a well-organized and insightful treatment of a complex subject. As Katherine says in Madeleine L’Engle’s A Severed Wasp, “Being alive hurts. I have found it best not to rush for the aspirin bottle.” The main way of “running for the aspirin bottle” explored in this book is hiding parts of ourselves that have been hurt. “Perhaps the number one root of emotional disorders is that some part of the self is isolated from relationship,” writes Townsend.

This book explores the dynamics of both hiding and healing, which can be a difficult process once a person’s patterns have been established and they have lost awareness of basic needs. Dr. Townsend moves systematically through the subject, drawing from scripture (he addresses Christians, primarily) and illustrating with examples from his experience as a counselor. Hiding can express itself in extreme ways — compulsions, addictions, relational failures. But most of us have hiding tendencies to some degree, as this paragraph illustrates:

In many cases, believers suffering from isolation may even attend growing, healthy, biblically oriented churches that put a premium on caring relationships. They may be quite active in their fellowships, spending a great deal of time, effort, and money to be involved in a community of believers. Yet these same folks also report feeling disconnected, detached, or “dead” inside, often while engaged in “fellowship activities.”

I appreciated the practical emphasis of this book, as well as its acknowledgment of some ways those in the church can do damage to one another by assuming that simply knowing a problem exists should be enough to solve it.

I found myself reflecting on my own life, but also on my children and others I care about — how they react, who they are, how I’ve hurt them, how I can love them better. For that alone, this book is worth reading. If you’re looking for a book to enhance your insight into yourself or someone you love, this is a worthwhile read.